It Hurts To Love You
by GladiatorInSuit
Summary: AU: Olivia lives in New York with her friends. One day she sees Fitz, it's been three years since they last met. Will Olivia be able to forgive Fitz for what he did to her? Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal**

**Chapter 1**

**It Hurts To Love You**

* * *

I open my eyes slowly; I can feel the sunlight coming through my windows. I look over my bedside table and pick up my phone. I unlock it and notice that the job I was interviewed for has replied. I open my mail and click it.

I gasp as I read it. I've got the job. I've got the job; I say now sitting on my bed. I open my phonebook and call my best friend Abby Whelan. She answers after two rings.

"Abby, I got the job!" I say my voice full of excitement.

"Congratulations Liv, I knew you would get it!" she says.

"I'm so happy, Abby. Let's celebrate, drinks at my place tonight? I have some tequila."

"Hell yeah, you know I'm always up for tequila"

"Okay, I'll see you later, bye" I say as I hung up the phone.

I get up of bed and throw myself into the shower quickly. As I put on my clothes I turn on my computer. I always look for some gossip early, since I was a kid I've always wanted to become a journalist. My mom was a successful lawyer until I was born when she quit, I never understood why she never get back in the business again. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one that stopped her, technically I was the reason but as I got older I could take care of myself but my mother would never return to work again. After a while I shut my laptop and I feel like going out. I put on my coat and shoes and head out.

As I walk the streets of New York I always wonder how I ended up here. I was born in California, went to Yale for journalism. After I graduated I moved back to California and started to look for jobs. When I didn't find any in Cali I decided to move somewhere else. Someplace where I've always wanted to live. New York.

I enter a small café and order a cup of coffee. It's a sunny day so I decide to sit outside, after a while the waiter brings me my coffee. As I was sipping on my coffee I hear familiar voice. It's a deep and masculine. I turn my head and I can't believe my eyes. It's Fitz. I feel my heartbeat going faster by the minute, I put on my sunglasses and leave the waiter a large tip and walk towards my apartment.

As I unlock the door to my apartment I still can't believe what I saw at the café. Last time I heard about him someone was saying that he had moved to Boston. What was he doing in New York?

I feel my phone buzz I unlock it and it's Abby telling me she's on her way. I start cleaning because of course I didn't clean up before I left this morning. When I'm done I turn on my computer and I can't help myself from opening the photo folder. I sigh as I see the first picture. It's a picture of me and Fitz a couple of years ago, to be exact 3 years ago. I click it and just stare, after a while I hear someone knocking on my door. It must be Abby; I get up and open the door.

"Abby!" I say

"Hey girl, why didn't you answer your phone?" she asked.

"Oh, um.. I was on my laptop and you know how I get." I say

"You mean that you shut everything around you down. Eh, yeah I know Liv."

"So tell me, when did you find out?" Abby asks.

"This morning, I saw that you'd called me then I noticed that I had one unread mail. So I opened it and then I started to freak out. I start this Monday, I'm so excited" I say.

"I'm so happy for you!" Abby says giving me a quick hug.

"So do you want to stay in all night, or do you want to have some drinks here first then go out?" I ask.

"Whatever you like" she says.

I go into the kitchen and start preparing our drinks. I come out of the picture and I see Abby on my laptop. She turns her head and I see that she saw the pictures I was looking at before.

"Liv" she starts.

"It's nothing Abby. I saw him this morning and.."

"Wait, what? Here? As in New York here?" she asks

"Yes, I was at the café, you know the one we always go to, yeah so I was having reading my book when I heard a voice. First I didn't recognize it but then I knew who it was. When I saw him, I left he didn't see me." I say

"What is he even doing here in New York; you told me he was in Boston?"

"Honestly I don't know, I thought he was in Boston too but let's not talk about him." I say as I sip on my drink.

"Okay but first let me just tell you something. You need to move on, Liv. You've haven't dated a guy in 3 years! 3 years, Liv! I mean he doesn't earn you from what he did to you. So today we're going out and we are going to find you a hot nice guy and you will take him home later" she said with a smirk.

"Abby.." I start.

"No, come on Liv"

I look at her and I know she's right. I need to move on, it's been 3 years.

"Okay" I say

* * *

As we enter the nightclub I groan immediately. This is why I hate going out, it's always so much people and you could barely hear what anyone's saying.

Abby takes my hand and leads me to the bar. She orders and we find a place down the corner. We settle down. After a while she drags me out to the dance floor and we start to dance. We dance almost all night and after a while I can tell Abby is drunk. I call a cab to take us to my apartment. As I put Abby on my sofa I go to the to clean myself up, when I'm done I throw myself to bed and close my eyes.

* * *

**Hello! So this is a new story, (yay). I know this chapter is short but i just want to know if you like it or not. So tell me what you think, til next time.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal**

**Chapter 2**

**First day of work**

* * *

I wake up and I can feel my head pounding, I look at the clock beside my bed and it's already 11 a.m. I get up, brush my teeth and take a long shower. While I'm in the shower I remember that Abby is sleeping on my couch. I put on my old Yale t-shirt and make my way to the living room; the scene I see in front of me makes me laugh hard.

I make my way to the couch and sit down. After a while I can see Abby opening her eyes slowly, she sees me and jumps.

"Liv!" she says.

"What?" I say completely confused.

"You scared me, were you watching me while I was sleeping?" she asked

"No! I wanted to wake you up but I couldn't so I just waited til you would wake up." I explain.

"Damn, what happened last night? I can barely remember anything" she says.

I giggle at her respond

"Well, someone got carried away last night" I say with a smirk.

"This always happens when I drink tequila. No more tequila for me, ever." she says.

"Yeah, you always say that" I say rolling my eyes.

I get up and make my way to the kitchen, I make some coffee and some breakfast. I come out and see that she's still lying on the couch.

"Abby get up!" I say.

"Okay, okay relax, Liv jeez"

* * *

It's Monday and I'm in front of a large building. So this is where I work I think for myself. I make my way inside, I've been told to go to the 5th floor so I get into the elevator and push the button.

I hear the sound of the elevator and I step out. It's quiet and honestly I don't know where to go, I see a girl sitting by her desk so I decide to ask her if I can find the chief.

As I walk closer to the girl I get a good look at her. She looks very professional and beautiful; she has a nice short dress on her with high heels. I look at what I'm wearing and I feel slightly undressed.

"Hello" I say.

She turns her head and smiles at me.

"Hello" she says.

"Um, so it's my first day here and I was told to find the chief, do you know where his office is?" I ask.

"Oh, you're the new employee?" she asks.

"Yes" I say, happy that I finally have a job.

She stretches her hand out "I'm Quinn" she says.

"Olivia" I say.

"So, Olivia. Yes, follow me and I'll show you."

She starts to move and I follow her immediately, I look around and I can see that people are pretty busy, they're all sitting in front of their computers or on the phone.

"So, Liv. Can I call you Liv?" she asks.

I nod my head and smile.

"Are you excited?" she asks

"Yes, I've been looking for a job for a while now." I say

"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking"

"25"

"Where did you go to college?" she asks.

"Yale" I reply

"Ooh, that's a great school. Well we're here, good luck and welcome" she says.

"Thank you Quinn, I'll see you around"

I make my way to the office and I knock on the door. I can hear someone getting up, after just some seconds a tall handsome man opens the door. He looks at me with a little longer than I'm comfortable with.

"Hello, I'm Jake" he says.

"Hi, I'm Olivia.."

"Yes, I know, come in." he says opening the door wider.

I step in and I look around, it's a beautiful office and it has an amazing view. I sit on the chair that's placed in front of his desk and put my bag down beside the chair.

"So, Olivia, welcome!" he says.

"Thank you."

"I read your resume, you graduated from Yale, am I right?

"Yes" I'm feeling a little nervous, I just want to get this over with and start with the work.

"Great school, however I have a meeting to go to so I'm going to show you your new desk. Here's the file you'll be working on. I can't wait to see what you have to give." He says.

I nod my head and follow him.

* * *

I've been working for a couple of hours and I hear my stomach growl. I look at the clock and it's time for lunch, Quinn had offered to have lunch with me before so I make my way to her desk.

"Hey Quinn, ready for lunch?" I ask.

She looks at me and smiles

"Sure" she says.

We step into the elevator and I don't know if there's a cafeteria in this building, she presses the first button and then she turns to me.

"You don't mind eating in the cafeteria today? I mean they do have good food and I have some work to do so I can't go out. But I promise I'll buy you lunch another day." She says

"It's no problem, I just wondered if there was a cafeteria here" I say

"Oh, yes. The food isn't that bad as I said before. So are you enjoying yourself first day at work?" she asks

"Yes, a lot. I've always loved to work and now that I'm working I'm just.. happy" I say, I actually do like to work. I mean what do you do home all day doing nothing? I'd rather do something valuable with my time instead.

"That's great" she says

We make our way and I decide to have a chicken sandwich today. Not that I've had one before. We settle down and eat.

When we are finished we clean up and head to the elevator again. I feel my phone buzz and I pick it up, as I hear the elevator doors opens I hear a familiar voice.

"Livvie"

I look up and when I see who it is I drop my phone.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading and for the reviews I appreciate it. Second chapter, enjoy and tell me what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal**

**Chapter 3**

**We Meet Again**

* * *

"What was that about?" Quinn asked.

I looked at her with a painful expression "I know him"

"Who? Fitz?" she asked, slightly confused by my behavior earlier

"Yes, Fitz. I know Fitz" I say, my voice full of emotions. I sigh and look over at Quinn, I can still see that she's completely confused but I'm not comfortable to tell her what happened between me and Fitz, I've only known her for a couple of hours the only person who know what happened is Abby.

"So, are you going to explain?" she asked.

"I'm sorry Quinn, but I can't. No offense you've been very nice to me since I arrived and I can see us be friends but I can't tell you right now" I say trying to tell her to let it go.

"Okay, it's okay Liv."

_***Flashback***_

"_Livvie"_

_I look up and when I see Fitz standing there I freak out. I pick up my phone quickly and step into the elevator. _

_I look over at him and I can see him staring at me and it's making me very uncomfortable._

"_Livvie?" he says again._

"_Don't call me that" I say. It's a little embarrassing because Quinn is looking at me and Fitz like we're crazy._

"_Liv please.." he says grabbing my arm lightly._

_When I feel his hand grabbing my arm I feel a shiver go down my spine. I look up and his eye meets mine. I can't help myself but stare at him. I notice that his hair has grown a lot and I just want to through his hair, I shake my head and try to gather myself again._

"_What?" I say_

_He looks over at Quinn and then looks back at me telling me that we can't talk while Quinn is still here. We've been in the elevator quite a while now; I press my finger against the button and wait._

"_I don't want to talk to you, you know I don't. Don't you remember the last words I said to you" I snap at him._

_I almost regret saying the last part when I see pain in his eyes. He sighs puts his hand on my arm, my eyes widen and I can't believe he just did that. We've not seen or touched each other for three years and he thinks he can do whatever he likes, but I have to admit that it feels good._

_His hand glides down my arm, folds over my hand. His fingers lace with mine, and I can feel the fast thud of his heart through this single touch._

_He steps closer to me and whispers in my ear "Livvie we deserve another chance, our love deserves another chance… please."_

_I look up at him and the wheels in my head are spinning. _

_He looks at me and can tell that I'm thinking about it and he stays quiet. The elevator doors open and I take a deep breath before I answer him._

"_Okay, but not now I've got to work" I say in a whisper._

_I feel his body tense and I look up at him and see that he has a large smile._

"_You work here?" he asks_

"_Yes, actually it's my first day"_

"_Which floor are you on?" he asks_

"_5__th__"_

"_I'm on 4__th__" he says_

_We step out of the elevators and I turn to face him_

"_Listen, we can't do this here, at work. We'll have to figure something out" I say_

"_Lunch tomorrow, my treat" he says_

_I look at him and nod my head._

_***End of flashback***_

* * *

I'm finally home and I just stepped out of the shower. I can't help myself but think about what Fitz had said before.

"_Our love deserve another chance"_

I sigh and sit down on the couch. I want to tell Abby but at the same time I don't know how she will feel about this, she was there for me when we broke up. She was my rock during that time, she still is. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have graduated in time and for that I will always be grateful.

I pick up my phone and dial her number. She answers after two rings.

"Hey Liv" she says, I can tell she's happy by the sound of her voice.

"Hey, what's going on Abby?" I ask

"Nothing's going on? You called me remember?" she said

"You sound happy" I say

"Well, there's a few things I want to tell you next time me meet, so what's up?" she asks. It's like she already knows I need to tell her something and I don't know how, maybe because we've known each other since high school.

I'm a little afraid to tell her that I agreed to talk to him.

"I met Fitz today at work and I agreed to have lunch with him tomorrow to talk" I say as quickly as I can.

The line is silent and I can tell that she's trying to understand what I just said.

"Wait, you met Fitz today, at work?" she asked confused.

"Um, he works in that building too." I say slightly surprised that she isn't screaming telling me that I just made a mistake.

"Liv" she starts "Are you out of your mind?" she screams.

_Here it comes_

"Don't you remember what he did to you? How can you agree having lunch with him after what he did to you? Do I have to remind you what you were like after you broke up? Huh Liv? Wait I know the right word. _Broken_."

I honestly don't know what to say. Abby has never talked or screamed at me like that before, I know she wants the best for me and I know that she doesn't like Fitz.

"I'm just having lunch with him Abby, relax!" I say

"Just lunch..just lunch" she says

"I swear it's just lunch. He wanted to talk and I want to hear what he has to say" I say

She sighs and I can tell she's upset. I don't know if I'm supposed to be grateful or mad at her for wanting what is best for me.

"No, it's okay. I promise I will call you when we're done and I can promise you it's only lunch." I say trying to convince her.

"Okay, okay." She says

"Thank you" I say

"For what?"

"For being my best friend" I say

"Come on Liv, we're like sisters. Damn it's late I need to go. Call me tomorrow!" she says

"I will" I say as I hung up the phone.

After a while I turn of the TV and go to bed, as I lay down and close my eyes i try to sleep but I can't. The only thing i can think about is the words Fitz said before.

"_Our love deserves another chance"_

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter you'll find out why they broke up and what Fitz did! (Finally). Honestly I didn't know if I wanted to make them talk this soon but I need you to know why they broke up because it will affect the story later on. And do you want me to keep the chapters like this or longer? If you want them longer it will probably take longer time to update, so tell me what you want and I'll try to make it work. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please leave your reviews. **

**Til next time xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal**

**Chapter 4**

**It Still Hurts**

* * *

I'm on my way to work and I'm feeling a little nervous. I'm not nervous about work, I'm nervous about that I'm having lunch with Fitz. I can't believe after 3 years we're finally going to talk hopefully. Truthfully I don't know how I feel about him, one part of me loves him and the other part hates him. It's not easy to love a person and hate him and the same time, I never thought in a million years I would be want to talk to him again but I hope that it's for the best I don't want to hate him because it's taking a lot of me. But I already know that I can't go back to the way it was, honestly I don't want to go back to the way it was. I'm not the person who let's many people into my life but I opened up to Fitz and after our break I've not dated or seen another guy in three years.

_***Flashback***_

_I pick up my phone and call Fitz again, and again I come he doesn't answer and I reach his voicemail. I end the call and put my phone down. I sigh loudly, I'm a little scared and worried he got really mad and for him to storm out this late, I shake my head and try not to think about what could happen to him._

_I go to bed and try to sleep, but I can't I have this feeling that something happened to Fitz, I can't take it anymore so I get up and get dressed. I try to call his phone again but this time I come to his voicemail directly, I hang up and head out to look for him._

_I take a cab to his apartment and use my key to come in. I unlock the door and it's dark, I call out his name and I'm met with silence. I take a moment to think where he would have gone this late. Fitz is the kind of guy that usually drinks after the fight we had. _

_I leave his apartment and call Tom. Tom is Fitz best friend so he's maybe with him. After three rings he picks up._

"_Hello?" I hear a groggy voice say._

"_Hi Tom, it's Olivia I'm sorry for waking you up I know it's late but do you know where Fitz is?" I ask_

"_Fitz? No, I saw him this morning at the gym but since then no. Why?" he asks._

_I don't want to tell him that we fought but I at this point I need to tell him._

"_We had a fight and he stormed out" I say_

"_You two? Fighting?" he says sarcastically _

_I roll my eyes "Yes, it was stupid but do you have any idea where he is?" I ask._

"_Did you go to his apartment?" he asks_

"_Yes" I say_

"_Well, he's probably drinking if he's not at home." He says_

_I sigh "Do you know where he would go?"_

"_Actually I do, where are you?"_

"_I'm outside his building." I say_

"_Ok, wait there I'm coming, he's probably at a private club we go there sometimes." He says._

_I'm a little upset that he hasn't told me that he's been in a private club, I know it's stupid but I can't help myself but feel a little angry._

_10 minutes later I see Tom's car, he waves telling me to come and I do what he tells me._

_After a 20 minute drive we finally arrive to a club, the security on the door looks at Tom, and he nods his head. _

_Both I and Tom start looking for him and we can't find him, now I'm at the point of freaking out. Where is he? I wonder._

_We look for a little more and we give up. Tom sees the manager and he tells me that he's knows Fitz. Tom walks to the manager and I can tell the manager is telling him something and I see the shock in Toms face. Now I don't know what to do anymore, I'm beyond the point of freaking out._

_Tom comes back and we walk towards the exit, I look at him and I can still see that he is shocked and uncomfortable. We reach his car and before he starts his car I talk._

"_What's wrong?" I ask my voice full of concern._

_It takes him a while before he answers he looks directly into my eyes and I can see that what he is about to tell me is going to hurt._

"_Tom, please what did he say?"_

_Tom sighs and then he starts "Olivia, um.. Cyrus the manager told me that he was here before but he left, he was here for at least an hour before he left and he didn't tell him where" _

_I can tell there's more, I look at him and I wait._

_This time he shifts in his car seat and I'm holding my breath._

"_He left with someone" he said almost in a whisper._

_My eyes widen and I can feel my eyes getting wet. He looks at me and can tell I'm having a panic attack. _

"_Olivia, listen it doesn't mean anything. Maybe it was just a friend, let's not go there yet." He says trying to calm me down._

_I look at him and now tears are running down my face. I know I need to calm down or I'll have a panic attack. I take a big breath before I speak_

"_Take me home" I say_

_He looks at me unsure if he wants to leave me alone._

_I nod my head to assure him that I can take care of myself._

_He drives me home when we reach my apartment, I thank him and he leaves. I head up and go into the shower immediately, after the shower I honestly don't know what to do; I don't know what to think anymore. I go to bed and close my eyes after a while I drift off to sleep._

_Hours later I hear someone unlocking my door, the only one that has a key to my place is Fitz. The lights in the living room are on and I get out of bed to confront him. I make my way to the living room and I see him sitting on the couch with his face in his hand._

_He's wearing a shirt and black pants, his hair looks messy and he looks exhausted and drunk. It's like he can feel my presence and he looks up. He just looks at me and I don't know what to do, I just stand there looking at waiting for him to speak up._

"_Why are you up? It's late" he says._

_I look at him in shock, did he just ask me why I'm awake? I can feel myself getting angry and scared by the second._

"_Why I'm up Fitz? I've been calling you all night; you can't just storm out like that in the middle of the night." I say_

_He looks at me with a painful expression._

"_I'm sorry" he says._

"_For what?" I say_

"_For what I said before, I trust you I just.. you know how I get sometimes" he said._

_I can tell he's hiding something and I don't know if I want to find out._

"_You can't just leave after we disagree; we need to talk it out. Have you been drinking?" I ask_

"_Yeah, I know I'm sorry. I'm going to shower you can go to bed." He says heading to the shower._

_I just stand there afraid what will happen next. I go to bed and wait for him to come. After a while I hear him getting into bed next to me._

_After a couple of minutes I can't let this go on, I turn on the light beside my bed and sit up. He turns around and looks at me. _

_I look at him directly into his eyes and then I say the words I've wanted to ask all night._

"_Did you cheat on me?" I ask I don't even recognize my voice anymore, I'm so afraid for what's going to come out his mouth._

_I look at him and I can read him like a book. Tears stung my eyes I don't know what to do but I want him to answer me, even though I know he cheated on me I want him to answer._

"_Answer me!" I say_

"_Yes" he says looking down. _

"_Look me in the eyes Fitz and say you cheated on me!" I say_

_He looks up and I can see pain in his eyes. It takes him a minute before he answers_

"_I cheated on you" he says_

"_Get out!" I scream_

"_Please –" he starts_

"_No, get out! We are done Fitz! I trusted you Fitz! I trusted you and you do this to me?" I scream at him._

_He gets up and put his clothes back on. I reach my hand out and he gives me my key._

"_You can leave now" I say, I want him to leave because I don't want him to see me crying._

"_I'm sorry" he says and leaves._

_***End of flashback***_

* * *

**A/N: First of all I just want to thank you all for your reviews they keep me motivated so thank you very much. I hope this wasn't too much, this was the hardest chapter to write so far so I hope I don't disappoint you. **

**Some of you wanted longer chapters and some of you wanted it like this, honestly I like it more like this but I may do longer chapters in the future, and someone said that Fitz doesn't deserve Liv that easily and I totally agree with you but there's more to come so let's just wait and see how it turns out ;). Please leave your thoughts on this chapter and thank you for reading.**

**Til next time xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal**

**Chapter 5**

**Ready, set, go**

* * *

I glance over at my watch and I see it's almost lunch. I'm getting nervous by the minute and I don't know how to calm myself down. I know we're just going to talk, but honestly I don't know what he is going to say to me, what's scaring me the most is that I don't have anything to say to him, expect why? Why did he do what he did to me? I know I have to move on, it's been three years and it had gotten better by the time but to see his face again and hear his voice just changed all of that.

I look up from my computer and see Jake and Fitz walking towards me, I can't help myself but stare at him, he's wearing a suit and it's fitting him perfectly.

"Olivia" I hear Jake say. I shake my head as I hear his voice and compose.

"Uh, sorry what?" I say

"I just wanted to say that you're doing a great job, if you continue this may I might have to promote you." He says smiling at me.

"I'm just doing my job" I say returning the smile. I see Fitz standing there but he has not said a word yet.

"Well, keep it up. I'll see you guys later" he says leaving.

Now it's just me and Fitz and he's just standing there looking slightly upset. I don't know why he's upset but he looked just fine minutes before. I shake my head in confusion and speak up.

"Lunch?" I say

"Yeah, let's go." He says

We leave the building and I don't know where we are going. I've not been around this neighborhood so I don't know any good places so I just follow him and I let him take the lead.

After 10 minutes of walking we finally arrive. It's a nice casual restaurant and I like it, we sit down and order our food.

I don't know what's going on with him but he hasn't spoken a word since we left the office. I decide to say something to get this over with.

"Fitz?" I say.

"Yes?" he says.

"You wanted to talk, let's just get this over with" I say.

I look at him and I can see some pain in his eyes.

"You can't enjoy a dinner with me anymore?" he says

"I didn't mean it that way; I just want to get this over with. You wanted to talk so let's talk." I say

He shakes his head "I'm sorry I'm just a little tired, didn't get much sleep last night"

Our food arrives and we start eating, when we're done he finally speaks.

"What I did to you was wrong, I know it was wrong and I knew it was wrong when it happened. I can't blame the alcohol because I honestly didn't have so much to drink. First of all I just want to apologize and say I'm sorry, I'm sorry Livvie for hurting you. I know 'sorry' doesn't change anything or can take it back but I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I regret what I did to you every day and I will regret it every day the rest of my life. I know it was wrong by me to storm out in the middle of the night just like that but.."

I look at him and I can hear the pain in his voice. I know there's more, there's something else.

"But what?" I say

He looks at me with the most sorrowful expression.

"I was hurt" he whispers

My eyes widen. How could he be hurt by what he did?

"You were hurt?" I say sarcastically.

"I was hurt Fitz! You hurt me; you have honestly no idea what you did to me when you cheated on me. You broke me Fitz! You destroyed me, I wasn't myself for a long time I was broken and sad. That's what you did to me Fitz. You left me broken and sad and a hundred other things. I just can't believe you would do something like that to me. Sex in our relationship was never the issue and you know it, we had almost sex every day, hell we had sex every day so why did you cheat on me? Because I yelled at you? Because we fought? Because you were 'hurt'? How the hell were you hurt? I was the one who was hurt"

"Do you remember how we used to be? You were my first love Fitz and for a moment I thought you would be the only one. But I was just a stupid little freshman who fell in love with a senior whom was a player. I thought you loved me, you would say how I changed you, how I made you better, was that all lies? You played me like a fool." I say trying to fight back the tears.

I'm surprised when I hear silence. I look up with tears in my eyes and I see him trying to take it all in. I pick up my bag and prepare myself to leave.

He grabs my arm

"Please Liv, sit" he says

I sigh and get back.

"Do you remember that time when we spent spring break with each other? We went to Costa Rica for two weeks, do you remember that?" he says

I nod my head confused.

"It was a Friday night and we were lying in bed just talking. We talked about our future together and how we would make it work. Marriage, kids.. family."

"After that night you started to withdraw yourself from me and I didn't know what I did, what did I do? I kept asking myself after 24 hours not speaking to I had enough and I needed to see you, I walked to your dorm but you weren't there. Do you remember?" he asks.

I nod my head unable to speak.

"When I got to your dorm I saw Abby, she invited me in and I waited for you for hours. Do you still remember?" he asks

"Yes" I whisper

"Your room was a mess so I decided to clean up and when I finished I saw a letter conformation from Saint Raphael hospital. Do you remember going there?"

I look up and now I'm crying. I nod my head slowly.

"Do you remember aborting the baby I never knew about?"

* * *

**A/N: First of all I want to thank all of you for the reviews/follows/favs I appreciate them. **

**Whoa what happened? Please don't hate me there is more to this story, so please be patient. I honestly wanted to give you something that you wouldn't expect, I hope I accomplished. Please leave your thoughts on this chapter and thank you for reading.**

**Until next time xx **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal**

**Chapter 6**

**Hurt**

* * *

I look up at him and I can see anger, hurt and more anger. I honestly don't know what to say to him, he just found out the biggest secret of my life. He just found out that I aborted our baby without telling him. I try to fight back the tears but I can't this is too much right now and the way he is looking at me is making it harder not to cry.

"Do you?" I hear him ask.

I nod my head slowly not being able to open my mouth.

"Say it Olivia. Did you abort the baby I never knew about?" he says his voice full of emotions.

"Yes" I whisper.

I can't believe he knew all these years and even though he knew he still tried to contact me.

"How could you? How could you not tell me? It takes two to make a baby Olivia. Why didn't you tell me? Why would you keep something like that from me? We're talking about a life. My daughter or son, how could you do that to me?" he says

"I'm sorry" I say in a whisper.

"I just don't understand. Why would you do that?" he asks.

"Fitz we were still in school, how could we have a baby when we almost didn't have time for each other. I wasn't ready to become a mother, it wasn't the time and it was hard for me too. It was, I always have that voice in my head telling me what if. What if I had kept if? What if we would have made if? But I wasn't ready; I know I was wrong by not telling you. I understand that you're angry that you didn't even have a say, but I wasn't the only one who made a mistake." I say

I look up and I can see that he's still trying to take it all in. I see a tear run down his face and my heart is aching.

"You don't have the right to do something like that without discussing it with me! It was my baby too. Do you think I would have cheated on you if you told me? I loved you more than anything else and I couldn't believe you did something like that to me. So yes I wanted to hurt you just like you hurt me. I wanted to hurt you back."

"You wanted to hurt me back" I say

"I regret what I did to you every day, I do. But do you? Do you regret doing the abortion?" he asks.

I look him in the eyes and a part of me wants to say yes and the other no. I always wonder how our baby would look like. If it would be a girl or a boy. If it was going to have blue eyes or brown.

"I don't know" I say

He looks at me with his eyes widen.

"I would have done it differently, I would have told you and then we would go from there. I always wonder if it would have been a girl or a boy. Was it going to have blue eyes like yours or brown like mine. Sometimes I regret it and I cry myself to sleep but I did what was best or me without thinking about you and for that I'm truly sorry. "

He sighs and run his hand through his hair.

"You still should have told me" he says

"I know"

He looks at me with sad eyes. I just want to go and hug him tightly but I know I can't do that. He probably hates me by now.

I look at my watch and we need to get back.

"We need to go" I say

"I know, just.." he says

"What?" I ask

"Just sit here for one minute. Sit with me or one minute. Let's just be us for one minute"

* * *

_2 months later_

I sit by my desk doing my work, it's been a busy morning and I'm not feeling well. I look over at my computer and it's already past 3 p.m. Usually I go home this hour but I have work to do so I gather myself and try to do my best.

I'm quite excited for tonight, Jake invited me to a client dinner and I told him I would go with him. Jake and I have developed a good work relationship and I'm actually enjoying his company some times.

I've been on a couple of dates the last month but I haven't accepted a second date from anyone yet. Some of them have been good dates but I've always compared them to Fitz, not that it matter anymore.

We haven't spoken since the Café unless its work related and it hurts really bad to see him almost every day.

I can't believe he knew all that time, I know I hurt him by doing an abortion but I did it for my best I was young and I could barely take care of myself, was I supposed to take care of a child? I made a decision without him and I regret it. I was selfish and I didn't think about the circumstances, I made a decision by myself and he didn't have a say.

I wrap up and head home. I need to take a shower and change my clothes before Jake picks me up. Abby is coming over and doing my hair later, what's funny is that she's more excited than me.

I know I can't just replace Fitz but I need to move on, I know our relationship is dead but that doesn't mean our feeling between each other is dead too.

I get home safely and I go shower immediately, after half an hour I hear someone knocking. I go open the door and I see Abby with a huge smile.

"Hello Liv!" she says.

"Hey Abby, why so happy?" I ask.

"Because you're going on a date with your boss" she says

"It's not a date Abby; we're having dinner with some clients. It's just work related" I say

"Come on girl, I know you think he's handsome and I know he likes you too. There's no need to deny it my friend" she says

I roll my eyes "Whatever Abby, let's get this over with" I say

About one hour later I'm fully dressed and ready. I look myself in the mirror and I do look good. I hear my phone buzz and it's from Jake.

"I need to go Abby, make yourself comfortable, bye" I say

"Have fun!" she says.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all or your feedback, I'm so glad some of you are enjoying this story. I also want to apologize for the late update; I've been in Germany for two weeks so I didn't have my computer with me.**

**Sooooo, they talked and I don't know what to say. They both made mistakes. Next chapter will be the client dinner, will something interesting happen there? ;) Next chapter will probably be up soon and as always leave your reviews and thank you for reading.**

**Until next time xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal**

**Chapter 7**

**Client dinner**

* * *

I make my way outside my apartment building and I can see Jake standing there, he's wearing a nice suit and he's looking good in it. I make my way to him and I can feel him staring at me, it's making me slightly uncomfortable. I can't believe I agreed to this dinner, even though it's a client dinner it doesn't feel like one. But I have to move on, it's been two months since Fitz and I talked and there isn't much to say. I shake my head and try to push the thoughts of Fitz,

"Olivia, Wow you look amazing." Jake says

"Thank you, you cleaned up nicely as well." I say

He opens the door to the car and I step inside.

After about 15 minutes of driving we finally arrive to the restaurant. We get inside and it's beautiful it looks like these restaurants that you have to wait a long time until you get a nice table. Jake leads the way and I follow him inside, we order our drinks and wait for the clients to come. It's a little embarrassing because both of us are quiet.

"They should be here" I hear him say.

I nod my head; I honestly don't know what to say. I pick up my wine glass and take a sip.

"So, Olivia what do you do outside of work?" he asks.

"Not much, work is my passion so I love to work. I also like to read and I sometimes write, but it's not anything serious just to myself." I say

"Yes, I've seen the way you work and I agree with you, you do a very good job."

"Thank you, I try to do my best" I say

We wait for another 10 minutes until the clients arrive. When they arrive we go straight to business and get it over with.

* * *

The client dinner went very well and I'm thrilled. Now it's just me and Jake and we're waiting for the waiter to come by so he can pay the ticket.

As we're waiting I look around and once again I get memorized by the beauty of it. I make a mental note to show Abby this place, I know she's not the fancy type but maybe celebrate something here.

Jake pays the ticket and we're on our way out. We are just about to leave the restaurant when I hear a voice. I know this voice; I look up and see Fitz. He's wearing a navy suit with a black tie he's done his hair and all I want to do is run my fingers through it. I try to bring myself together and shake my head.

Jake sees him and wants to say hello to him, I nod my head because what else should I do?

I follow Jake and with each step I take I become more nervous, Jake taps his shoulder and he turns around. He turns around and our eyes meet, I stare at him directly in the eyes and I can feel myself drown into his ocean grey blue eyes.

We keep staring at each other until Jake breaks the silence.

"Hey Fitz, I just saw you across the room and I just wanted to say hello" I hear Jake say

I can see that Fitz isn't paying attention to what Jake just told him, I can feel his eyes staring at me and I don't know how I'm feeling, I want him to look at me.

"Oh" Fitz says

"So, what are you doing here?" Jake asks.

"Um, I'm actually here on a date. She's using the bathroom, so you two?" Fitz asks raising his eyebrows.

I look at him and I speak up "No, we had a meeting with some clients and we were just on our way home. Enjoy your night" I say as quickly as possible.

Jake looks at me confused, I just want to leave before I see his date.

Before we can leave I see a tall brunette with piercing blue eyes walking towards us. She's wearing a black dress that's fitting her perfectly and I have to say that she's looking really good.

"I'm back" I hear her announce.

Fitz looks at her and I can see a small smile come across his face and I try to fight back the tears.

"Pardon me, Mellie this is Olivia and Jake. Olivia and Jake this is Mellie"

As soon as Fitz introduces us I can feel Mellie giving me a look, I don't know if Fitz told her about our history but I don't want to find out. I grab Jake by the arm and smile

"Nice meeting you Mellie. We should go" I say giving Jake a look.

"Uhh, yes. See ya Fitz. Nice meeting you Mellie.

Jake drops me off at my apartment and I sigh loudly, I make my way up to my apartment and unlock the door. I'm not sure if Abby I call out her name,

"Abby?" I yell

I walk past the living room and she's not there, usually when she stays she sleeps at the couch so I assume she went home. I walk into the kitchen and find bottle of wine and settle down. I open the wine and drink directly from the bottle.

I try not to remember Fitz with Mellie but it's hard. I can't believe that he is actually moving on, or at least he is trying. I know that we've always been complicated but I always thought we would make it either way but I guess I was wrong. I remember Abby telling me how good looking Jake was but honestly he is not my type. He is a nice guy whom I can talk to but he's everything Fitz isn't, I know I can't replace Fitz, maybe it's just better if I become a lone wolf.

I continue to drink and before I know it the bottle is empty. I look at my watch and it's becoming late, thank god I don't have work tomorrow don't get me wrong I love my work but to get to sleep is the best feeling in the world.

I make my way to my bathroom and change my clothes and brush my teeth. I enter the bedroom and I can see someone laying there. I turn on the lights and I see Abby sleeping like a baby, I chuckle to myself and turn off the lights and join her.

* * *

I wake up and I can feel my head pounding. I groan and look if Abby still is sleeping, much to my surprise its empty. I get up and when I I'm in the living room I can hear Abby singing in the kitchen, I smile to myself and can't help but record her with my phone while she is singing, I walk in the kitchen and before I have the time to say something Abby turns around and sees me with my phone in my hand recording her.

"Olivia!" she yells

I laugh and turn it off "You're actually not that bad at singing but when you try to sing the high notes. Just don't do that" I say laughing

"Oh, is that so judge Pope" she says

"Judge Pope?" I ask still laughing

"Well apparently I can't sing the high notes, but whatever. So how was your date last night?" she asks looking at me excited.

I glare at her "First of all, it wasn't a date. We were on a client dinner and it was fun, oh you should see the place Abby, damn I'm telling you it was so beautiful we have to go there sometime."

"I bet it was, with all the money Jake has he probably took you to the most expensive restaurant in New York."

"I don't know but It was really beautiful and the food was good too. So what did you do last night?" I ask her.

"Um, nothing. I watched Orange is the new black and ate all of your popcorn." She says

"Hey!" I say

"What? They were good. So you're not interested in Jake?" she asks raising her eyebrows

I take a deep breath before I speak "Honestly no, I mean I like him like a friend. I can talk to him and he's nice having lunch with but that's all. He's a nice guy but just not for me, why you interested?" I ask playfully

"Maybe" she laughs.

We eat our breakfast and we keep talking and I don't know whether to tell her that I saw Fitz or not. I want to tell her but I already know what she's going to say to me 'Get over him'. But the thing is I don't think she knows how hard it is to get over someone you've loved the most of your life. My grandmother always told me

"_Never say goodbye if you still want to try, never give up if you still feel you can go on, never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go._

_It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone – but it takes a lifetime to forget someone"_

I can feel the tears coming to my eyes as I remember the words, I know I hurt Fitz deeply and that I made a huge mistake but how do I make it work? How do I try to make it work? Because to be honest I don't want to give up because he's worth fighting for. I never want to say goodbye to him because I know without him I'm now myself.

But it's too late now; he probably is with Mellie now and enjoying his life. He moved on. I missed my chance. Now I'm just a memory to him, how could I be so stupid to do something like that without telling him?

I sigh loudly "I saw Fitz"

Abby looks at me confused

"Where?" she asks

"At the restaurant, he was there with his date." I say my voice cracking.

"Oh Liv" Abby says taking her hand into mine "You really have to get over him Liv just as he got over you. I can't stand to see you like this. Broken. You really have to get yourself together and try to get over him." She says

"How am I supposed to get over him, Abby? I see him every day and I can't have him. How am I supposed to keep doing this? Every time I see him I just want to kiss him. I love him, I'll always love him now and _forever_"

* * *

**A/N: First of all I want to apologize for the late update, I've been busy with school and work so I'm truly sorry for the late delay I'll try to do betteri promise.**

**This chapter was actually much longer but i wasn't happy with the other part so i decided not to post it but i promise that the next chapter will be up soon. **

**Client dinner and they met Fitz with Mellie, any thoughts? I don't know if i want to make Mellie a big factor so tell me your thoughts on her.**

**And thank you very much for all your kind reviews they keep me motivated and I can't say how grateful I am for each review I get. **

**Thank you for reading, until next time xx**


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